There are also behavioral habits that are harder to break. Last night, I learned I have an extremely horrible habit that I picked up during my time with Asshat. I also was reassured I have a wonderful man in my life who is patient and kind and extremely loving.
The Boyfriend went to his house to download some programs for his computer and to update our new iPad. I decided to throw some laundry in and put his jeans in the washing machine. No biggie, I love doing nice things for him.
I texted him that I was doing laundry and he asks if I checked his pockets because his thumb drive was in his pocket. I flipped out and ran to the washing machine and tried to find it. I didn't feel anything. I finally was able to pull his jeans out and to my horror, his headphones, cash, and flash drive were all soaking wet in his pocket. I felt like an idiot! I should have checked his pockets before throwing his jeans in the wash.
I don't know why I expected him to scream and yell and degrade me, because that's NOT his personality at all, but I expected it to happen because that's the way Asshat was when I made mistakes. I would get degraded. Silent treatment. He would guilt trip me. It was heart wrenching. I would have panic attacks.
I was so upset, I started hyperventilating and crying. The Boyfriend could sense in my texts that I was upset and he called and calmed me down. He sounded shocked that I was so upset. But he assured me it was okay and that he wasn't Asshat. "I would never treat you that way. You are safe with me and will be loved no matter what"... Wow. I am so lucky to find love after being hurt the way I was. So incredibly lucky.
Habits are hard to break but I know with the right people loving me, I will be able to break those terrible habits and be able to be completely free. It's nice to not have a breakdown when you make mistakes.
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