Be a Man

I am going to venture into a topic that may be kind of sensitive for men, but it's something that is overlooked and unfortunately, very true. Do yall realize that emotional and verbal abuse happens to men, as well? It does. I am a victim- a survivor- of being emotionally abused by a master manipulator. I had no clue it really happened to men as much as it does to women. But it does- and by some strange twist of fate, the man I gave my heart to after I left my abuser was one of these men who was emotionally abused. 

I have never ever heard about a woman as terrible as TC (the name we have for his ex wife. I won't post what it stands for, use your imagination). My boyfriend is very honest and open- he has told me all the "bad" things he did in his marriage to her and how he left when he had enough of her abuse. And by "bad", I mean he had to stand up for himself when she degraded him- he said he would purposely stay out after work at the bookstore to avoid having to go home to hear her degrade him. He wasn't the best husband to her, but he has always been a very good man- and is still a wonderful man. The things she said to him and did behind his back are enough to make any person cringe. He was choking on food one time and she refused to take him to the ER or help him. She degraded his appearance. She accused him of being gay after his battle with testicular cancer. When he found out he was going to need surgery, she didn't ask him if he was okay and comfort him- she blamed it on him and cried that she would never have kids. She constantly got drunk and would degrade him. They ended up having twins through in vitro, and I will not stoop low and speak about her as a mother on here. That's not my place. I will say that the way she treats their father is not okay and the way she purposely keeps their children from him is disgusting. He is an excellent father- they adore him and get very upset when they have to leave him. 

Even though they split up 2 years ago, this woman is still bitter and manipulates everyone around her to think he is horrible. She constantly lies about him and makes herself out to be the victim. Most recently, she contacted his mother and was slick enough to turn his mother against him. She is running a "smear campaign" to try to ruin his name. It's actually quite disgusting that she feels the need to do this. In addition to all the stuff she does to him, she also has sent friends to stalk ME. I had a woman approach me in a public parking lot saying that she recognized me from the pictures she had seen of me and that TC had asked her to do a "background check" on me. This woman is insane.

I have had to work through some issues because of the mark my abuser left on me. I would flip out and think my boyfriend would harass me and degrade me because I accidentally washed his thumb drive with his jeans. That is something Asshat would've done and I would have suffered days of isolation and silent treatment followed by degradement and "You're lucky I even want to be with you after what you did".... But no- my sweet boyfriend laughed and told me it was  okay. He held me close as I cried and told me he would never hurt me like that. I still flipped out because it's a habit to assume I would be ridiculed for my mistakes. However, with his assurance and love, I have realized that is not normal and he will not act that way. It's the same way with him- there are certain times where he expects me to scream and yell at him and get angry. But that's not acceptable and I would never treat him that way. He needs the same time of assurance and love that he gives me- and I try my hardest to show him that every single day. I leave him notes in his wallet to find as he gets ready for work- "You are so handsome, I am the luckiest woman to have your love. I love you so very much xoxo Kris"... I know what I need to help me get past the scars Asshat left on me, so I use those same tactics to help him get over the marks TC left on him. 

Yes, men can be emotionally abused too. Yes, it's "taboo" because men are supposed to be stronger than women. No, it does NOT make them any less of a man. In fact, a man leaving an abusive situation is a bigger man. No one- man or woman- deserves to be abused. TC blames him for leaving her and their kids. She tells people a real man wouldn't do that. She couldn't be more wrong- a REAL man did leave her. And that man did it for all the right reasons- the benefit of their kids, his mental and physical well being, and for his damaged heart. I am here to tell you I treasure him so very much. He has brought hope, love, light, and extreme happiness into my life. He is one of the brightest parts of my life and I am blessed to get to love his healing heart. Men, there is hope for you. I promise- love is respectful, not hateful. There is no shame in leaving- Only regret if you choose to stay. 

New Year, New Life

Happy New Year to anyone who is reading this! I am confident that this year will be amazing and bring wonderful things. It's already started off on a much better note- I got to spend NYE on the couch cuddling with two main guys! My gorgeous son and handsome boyfriend. I wouldn't have wanted to be with anyone else. It was particularly nice not to be yelled at when the clock struck midnight. Last year, Asshat yelled at me about stupid stuff he made up to make me feel bad. I spent half the night crying and begging for him to forgive me. Ha- not anymore. I have an amazing, healthy relationship that never makes me feel like I am going to have a panic attack. That's why I KNOW this year is going to be amazing. Who knows... Maybe there will be a wedding if things work out the way they should... ❤️❤️❤️

I also have amazing news to share since I have not blogged in a while. I went in for my first papsmear after my last surgery for cervical cancer/HPV and my pap was clean!!! 😃😃😃😃 To make a long story short- I was completely clean before I met Asshat. I never slept around. Never had an irregular pap my whole life. Then, that changed once I started dating him. I went for my yearly papsmear and it came back irregular. When the doctor said I had HPV and he needed to do a biopsy, I was shocked. I had only been with Asshat. How could this have happened? Never mind the fact Asshat was sketchy with texts from random chicks and all, he still blamed me and accused me of cheating. He hounded me and abandoned me when I needed him the most. The day I found out I did have cervical cancer, I called him and he told me he couldn't be with me anymore because my parents and him didn't get along and he knew my mom would want to be by my side. He completely jumped ship. He continued to blame me and even made me feel bad because he said he had to go to the doctor to get checked himself. Swore to me he hadn't been with anyone else. Flash forward to several months after our breakup- he is arrested for his sexcapades on Craigslist. He was all over the local news. He was accused of raping a woman he met on CL, but was later dropped of all his charges because the woman lied about some of it. I was asked to speak to the detectives and a private investigator. Through answering their questions, I found out he had been sleeping with countless other women he met online the entire duration of our relationship. I was disgusted and hurt. How dare he accuse ME of being unfaithful when he was the one doing it behind my back? I went to see him in jail and he admitted he had been unfaithful to me and lied about so much I thought I knew about him.  Essentially, his dirty habit gave me cancer. How dare he. While I am having surgery and treatments and suffering, he is out having sex with random dirty women he meets on Craigslist. Seriously, made me get sick. Not only is he emotionally manipulative- he is twisted sexually too. 

So many friends and family members have told me to sue him for my medical bills. I have thousands of dollars of medical bills that I am paying on right now. However, he is out of my life and I don't want to give him any chance to get back in. I will pay my bills and smile knowing that I am a survivor in so many ways. It's a new year, a new life- I am so blessed to get to start over again with an optimistic perspective on life.