Be a Man

I am going to venture into a topic that may be kind of sensitive for men, but it's something that is overlooked and unfortunately, very true. Do yall realize that emotional and verbal abuse happens to men, as well? It does. I am a victim- a survivor- of being emotionally abused by a master manipulator. I had no clue it really happened to men as much as it does to women. But it does- and by some strange twist of fate, the man I gave my heart to after I left my abuser was one of these men who was emotionally abused. 

I have never ever heard about a woman as terrible as TC (the name we have for his ex wife. I won't post what it stands for, use your imagination). My boyfriend is very honest and open- he has told me all the "bad" things he did in his marriage to her and how he left when he had enough of her abuse. And by "bad", I mean he had to stand up for himself when she degraded him- he said he would purposely stay out after work at the bookstore to avoid having to go home to hear her degrade him. He wasn't the best husband to her, but he has always been a very good man- and is still a wonderful man. The things she said to him and did behind his back are enough to make any person cringe. He was choking on food one time and she refused to take him to the ER or help him. She degraded his appearance. She accused him of being gay after his battle with testicular cancer. When he found out he was going to need surgery, she didn't ask him if he was okay and comfort him- she blamed it on him and cried that she would never have kids. She constantly got drunk and would degrade him. They ended up having twins through in vitro, and I will not stoop low and speak about her as a mother on here. That's not my place. I will say that the way she treats their father is not okay and the way she purposely keeps their children from him is disgusting. He is an excellent father- they adore him and get very upset when they have to leave him. 

Even though they split up 2 years ago, this woman is still bitter and manipulates everyone around her to think he is horrible. She constantly lies about him and makes herself out to be the victim. Most recently, she contacted his mother and was slick enough to turn his mother against him. She is running a "smear campaign" to try to ruin his name. It's actually quite disgusting that she feels the need to do this. In addition to all the stuff she does to him, she also has sent friends to stalk ME. I had a woman approach me in a public parking lot saying that she recognized me from the pictures she had seen of me and that TC had asked her to do a "background check" on me. This woman is insane.

I have had to work through some issues because of the mark my abuser left on me. I would flip out and think my boyfriend would harass me and degrade me because I accidentally washed his thumb drive with his jeans. That is something Asshat would've done and I would have suffered days of isolation and silent treatment followed by degradement and "You're lucky I even want to be with you after what you did".... But no- my sweet boyfriend laughed and told me it was  okay. He held me close as I cried and told me he would never hurt me like that. I still flipped out because it's a habit to assume I would be ridiculed for my mistakes. However, with his assurance and love, I have realized that is not normal and he will not act that way. It's the same way with him- there are certain times where he expects me to scream and yell at him and get angry. But that's not acceptable and I would never treat him that way. He needs the same time of assurance and love that he gives me- and I try my hardest to show him that every single day. I leave him notes in his wallet to find as he gets ready for work- "You are so handsome, I am the luckiest woman to have your love. I love you so very much xoxo Kris"... I know what I need to help me get past the scars Asshat left on me, so I use those same tactics to help him get over the marks TC left on him. 

Yes, men can be emotionally abused too. Yes, it's "taboo" because men are supposed to be stronger than women. No, it does NOT make them any less of a man. In fact, a man leaving an abusive situation is a bigger man. No one- man or woman- deserves to be abused. TC blames him for leaving her and their kids. She tells people a real man wouldn't do that. She couldn't be more wrong- a REAL man did leave her. And that man did it for all the right reasons- the benefit of their kids, his mental and physical well being, and for his damaged heart. I am here to tell you I treasure him so very much. He has brought hope, love, light, and extreme happiness into my life. He is one of the brightest parts of my life and I am blessed to get to love his healing heart. Men, there is hope for you. I promise- love is respectful, not hateful. There is no shame in leaving- Only regret if you choose to stay.