Sorry, Not Sorry

I was at work last week when my phone beeped that I had an email. I glanced down at it and I nearly fell out my chair.

It was from Asshat. The subject line? "two things I thought I owed you". 

The basic message he was sending in the email was "I'm sorry for how I treated you. I have changed since I was jailed. I was wrong. Thank you for helping me be a better man. I will always have a special place in my heart for you and Luke. But you always did wrong and you're acting like a victim when you're not and its pathetic and sad that you play the victim card"

I wanted to write about this because this is exactly why a narcissistic sociopath will NEVER be sorry or change his or her ways. He or she will constantly find a way to blame you for their behavior, even long after you are gone from their life. He had a semi-valid apology going until he found a way to blame me for his behavior. 

I laughed and deleted the email. But before I deleted it, I showed my boyfriend and my parents.. I sent it to some of my girlfriends. Everyone said the same thing- he is a sociopath. The sad part is... He will have more victims in the future. He will do this same thing to other women. I want to reach out and help them but I can't. I can't save the world. I can't warn every woman he comes in contact with. I can't let them all know to jump ship before they drown in his abuse. It's sad but other women will continue to go through what I did with him. Breaks my heart for them.

What I can do is be at peace with the fact that I am not being abused any more. I know now I do not have to subject myself to that kind of behavior to be loved by a man. I know now that I deserve so much better. I have a healthy, beautiful relationship. The happiness and pure joy I get from life is something I never thought I'd have. It feels amazing to be free and loved. I'm not sorry that I am happy- I will never apologize for my happiness.