I can recall countless times where the abuse came to a head. Where I actually feared he would raise his hand to me. He was a big guy, he could easily hurt me. I never once thought he would until the day he yelled at me about being too sensitive. Back story- It was "shark week" (aka I was on my period). My emotions were already high. He was in a bad mood because his kids would not listen to him. I had a Popsicle on the couch and I wrapped paper towels around the stick so it would not melt on my hand. His daughter gets one and does the same thing- wraps a paper towel around the stick. He comes over to us and screams at his daughter about why she has a paper towel around the stick. She looks at me- we are both shocked and confused. I said "hey, it's my fault. She saw me doing it and I'm sorry- just trying to avoid a mess". He says "I wasn't talking to you. You are a grown woman.".... He proceeds to yell at his daughter about wasting paper towels and that he didn't listen to her. She goes to her room. I got up and threw the stick away and he follows me to the bathroom where he puts his face within inches of mine and proceeds to scold me under his breath so his kids don't hear. I can't remember exactly what was said, but it was something about me being a bad role model and I didn't have any right to justify the fact she disobeyed him. I tend to be a sassy little firecracker, so I said "it's an effin' paper towel. I bought them for you. It's not a big deal!".... He fired back with hateful words about how I am stupid and I can get the f away from him and his kids if I had that attitude. He said I needed an attitude adjustment and I was a being a bitch. I hate being referred to as a bitch and I also hate being yelled at for no reason, so I started crying. He rolled his eyes and told me to leave. He said I was too sensitive and I needed to get a grip on reality and accept my fault in the whole "incident". A few minutes later, I walked into his kitchen to help my son with eating his lunch and he followed me in there and put a dog collar around my neck. He made a clicking noise and whistled at me and said "Good girl".... Basically he was calling me a bitch again. He did this in front of my son. How dare he!! It got me so upset that my son and I left. And he guilt tripped me and told me I was too sensitive and he was "just joking". "Come on Kristin, learn to take a joke. You are too sensitive. Calm down!".... Right. And then he would bring his kids into it. "you just left and that hurt their feelings. You don't think about them at all before you do things".
"Save your I'm sorries
Just leave 'em at the door
You can't make me feel guilty anymore"
He would constantly make me feel guilty. About everything. If I had to go to class or planned on staying after to type a paper up in the lab, he would sigh and make a snide comment like "Fine then. I guess you don't want to spend time with me or my kids. We were waiting for you to get home so we could go to the waterpark but I guess we just wasted our day".... And the crazy thing is, I would feel sooooo guilty that I would rush home and put school work to the side. Then, once I got home, it was "I guess you lied about having to do school work. Where were you? I know you weren't at school. Why would you just come home if you had so much to do? You don't give a shit about anything"... Seriously? He was such a guilt tripper and manipulator. One time, I was in heavy traffic on the way home. For those who live in Charleston, you know how 26 gets- a 20 minute commute turns into an hour commute. I got home and automatically I can tell he is pissed just by looking at him. He is biting his lip and has a scowl on his face. "Where were you?"... "I told you, I was in traffic on 26"... He laughs this scary laugh and shakes his head. "No you weren't Kristin. Where were you?"... "I was in traffic!"... "You're lying to me! Where were you??"... "traffic on I- 26!"... This back and forth would go on until I questioned my own sanity. Until he had me cornered against a wall or cabinet in the kitchen screaming in my face. Was I really stuck in traffic that long?? I knew I had been in traffic for a long time. So why was he making me question myself?? It was insane!
Heres one more incident that happened before I end my post for the day. Asshat, as I affectionately term this jerk, is a very cocky man. He is very self-centered when it comes to his appearance. He has expensive taste in clothes and accessories. He wears a chain on his neck and wears high end cologne. He has a certain "look" to him. He is well groomed and well- maintained. He has a back and arms that are covered in tattoos. He gets his back waxed monthly. He drives a luxury vehicle and is very careful with it. The point of me telling this about him is that he uses these things to intimidate people to get his way. He's very confrontational and very intimidating. He starts off charming people with his "friendly" personality. He jokes around and gets to know them. Last winter we went to his work Christmas party downtown. I had to buy a ball gown. He had to order a tux. The man he ordered a tux from was a sweet man who helped him find exactly what he wanted. However, the man had a personal tragedy happen in his life and the tux was late coming in. Asshat lost his shit on this poor man. Blew up his phone, threatened him, yelled, screamed. There was no reason for it. The tux man was planning and attending the funeral of a close relative. Everytime he got off the phone with the poor guy, he would say "he will learn he doesn't fuck with me". This really should have been a sign for me to get the hell away. However I looked at it as him not taking crap from anyone and thought it was normal. It's not normal- that's a big sign of someone who is capable of more than just emotional abuse. He was emotionally abusing that man.
It's not acceptable for anyone to speak to anyone else the way he spoke to me and others. If this sounds a little too familiar to you, please evaluate your situation and get out while you can. If you need help "escaping", call a trusted friend and explain everything to them. Just get away while you can. Before it escalates.
"You say I should stay with you. That Jesus forgives you. You say I will, but I won't. The difference is, Jesus loves you- I don't"
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